Friday, March 16, 2007

Nickelback suck. Nickelback suck ass.

At least that’s the opinion of me and the rock intelligentsia, the erudite critical tastemakers who run the East and West Coast-based rock rags.

But if Nickelback is so bad how come the band fills arenas everywhere from Montana to Massachusetts. If the Canadians’ insipid post-grunge makes Creed seem catchy and creative, how has its 2005 album, “All the Right Reasons,” managed to sell 5 million copies and spend a year in the Top 20?

Well, it isn’t because band members are tough guys who understand Middle America in ways the weenies in Of Montreal or the Shins can’t. Nickelback helps fill the commercial void left when Trixter hung up its hairspray, but Nickelback can’t quite fill the emotional void (if Trixter left an emotional void, which they may have, which is a bit scary). Unlike hard-rock phenoms Hinder and Buckcherry - who share AC/DC’s penchant for albums composed of eight songs about slutty chicks and two about booze - Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger is concerned with more heady stuff (read: wimpy, vulnerable sniveling).

The typical argument goes like this: Heartland America hates emoting and loves stone-cold riffs. Or more simply: Morrissey, no. Ozzy, yes.

But the argument is bullshit. Take a look at Kroeger’s songs. On “Too Bad” he moans about his dad not being around. On “Never Again” he laments abusive relationships. And then there’s his biggest hit, “How You Remind Me,” where he mopes, “I said I love you and I swear I still do/And it must have been so bad/Cause living with me must have damn near killed you.”Take out the “damn” and you’ve got a heartfelt apology. Not the type of thing Bon Scott is likely to offer as he kicks a used groupie to the curb after a few old sodas.

So if Kroeger’s open and introspective enough to spend a Sunday discussing “Fried Green Tomatoes” with Oprah, how’s the Canadian selling himself as a true-blue hard rocker? It’s his image that matters.

Middle America doesn’t cotton to condescension. Accurate or not, indie rockers have the reputation of being too cool for average folks (don't act like you don't know this already). Whether intentional or not, David Byrne and Jello Biafra exude pretentiousness, they exude a I'm-fucking-smart-and-your-not vibe. Kroeger doesn’t. At shows he’s fond of shouting classic, rhetorical questions such as, “Are you ready to rock?” and “You getting enough beer out there?” He comes across as a normal guy with normal values: He wants to drink, vent and rock, just like the rest of us.

This doesn’t excuse the fact that, musically, Nickelback sucks ass. But it doesn’t need to. At one time or another, everybody in the rock intelligentsia loved something just as bad (Interpol, Dashboard Confessional, Oasis).

OK, nothing is as bad as Nickelback. But let he who didn't once think "(What’s the Story) Morning Glory?” was as good "Astral Weeks" throw the first stone.

6 comments:

Unknown said...

What do you mean by, "musically, Nickleback suck ass?"

Jed Gottlieb said...

I think the statement speaks for itself.

Unknown said...

Then your statement is nonsensical. You wrote nothing about their music - only about silly, skin deep, preteen notions of rock "coolness" that harken back to 5th grade "Ratt is way cooler than Motley Crue" rhetoric. Music is not hairstyles and ripped t-shirts. I was simply wondering what, musically, sucks about Nickleback but apparently you don't know.

Brian said...

He's right. They suck a lot. Doesn't need much more - even from a music critic. Nobody who's heard Nickelback should be arguing about this.

Jed, I miss you and I love you. Keep up the good words.

Unknown said...

But shouldn't a "music critic" critique musical content instead of entertainment weekly-esque, britney spears shaved her head, janet jackson's nipple, my indie band is better than yours, now please accept my witty banter, nickleback suck ass?
Jed, I miss you and I love you. Please write something of substance.

Jed Gottlieb said...

If you read my post you'll see my point is that, Nickelback sucks according to the "erudite critical tastemakers who run the East and West Coast-based rock rags." But that taste is subjective and the band is clearly doing something that connects with rock fans. I hate the band but the post is clearly not rip on the band.

READ: This doesn’t excuse the fact that, musically, Nickelback sucks ass. But it doesn’t need to. At one time or another, everybody in the rock intelligentsia loved something just as bad (Interpol, Dashboard Confessional, Oasis).

OK, nothing is as bad as Nickelback. But let he who didn't once think "(What’s the Story) Morning Glory?” was as good "Astral Weeks" throw the first stone.